After Danny's release from the hospital he was put on the Homebound Program through the school system. The psychologist felt that Danny couldn't return to school without an IEP in place so he signed him out of school. This not only forced the school system to get the IEP done, BUT they had to pay for a teacher to come to my house everyday to teach my son to keep him caught up. I'm sure that program costs them a pretty penny so getting Danny the IEP was their best option.
In January 2010 the IEP evaluation was completed and now it was a waiting game to see if Danny qualified and then to get it written. The school system had 50 school days to complete this and I knew they were going to take most, if not all, of those 50 days. Now I realized that I had a time problem. March 1st our lease was going to be up on our apartment and Danny's therapist had already said to move outside of that school's district. She said that putting him back in the same school was not going to be a good idea. Maybe a new school, new kids, new teachers would give him the fresh start he needed to help him move on. I had fought so hard to get my son help from the school that moving him out of the district scared me a bit because that would be the ammunition the school needed to say that since we were moving the new school could handle the IEP and I'd have to start all over again.
I informed the school system that we were moving. They did as I thought they would and suggested that the new school write the IEP. I wrote up a new letter saying that THEY would most certainly write the IEP. I had a, "You are going to finish what you started" attitude. I didn't care if the IEP was a basic shell and we let the new school rewrite it to suit their needs and resources. I was determined to make this school recognize my son's disability and take time out of their precious schedules to attempt to help him. At the IEP meeting they didn't recognize and still won't recognize that Danny has PTSD. The school can challenge the findings from the evaluation and can fight to deny a child an IEP if they want to despite what THIER psychologist tells them. We spent an hour debating Danny's diagnosis and their argument was that a 7 year old children don't suffer from PTSD....Ummmm, ok whatever! The psychologist (THEIR psychologist) pushed for the IEP and after 1 1/2 hours of debate we finally got to write a basic IEP. As I left the building that day I felt relief knowing that I'd never ever have to deal with them again! I knew that my son would finally get the help he needed in school.... or so I thought.
March 1st we moved to a town just outside of Evansville. Danny was assigned to a school that has an "alternative learning" classroom. There are only 7 kids in the class and they are geared towards helping the kids with emotional disabilities. There is a whole reward program for good behavior and many many opportunities throughout the day to earn rewards. This new school rewrote the IEP and added things to help Danny such as having the school therapist talk with him 2 times a month. With his therapist outside of school I figured we were on the right track. I was so excited for him and I see now that I jumped the gun a bit in my excitement. I think I jinxed myself with my excitement and believing that this was what we had been waiting for and things would miraculously get better with him.
Again, I was wrong.....
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Danny math: Home = Safe
I realized that I never really described what it was that my son was doing in terms of behavior. Now all of this is what was told to me. I don't really have "bad behavior" issues at home. At home I see a typical 7 year old child that objects to doing chores sometimes and will try to argue with you over a punishment. He would/will get angry and yell at me, but I never saw the aggression or the "screaming". He could/can go to a friends house and treat everyone with respect. He could go spend the night at his best friend's house. I never doubted what the school was telling me. I never told the school that they were wrong because I just didn't see it. I knew something was wrong with Danny and I knew he was scared while he was at school. What I didn't know was how to help him.
At 7:20am everyday we would walk out to the bus stop. We lived in an apartment complex so there were other kids out there and they would all play tag and just horse around until the bus came. It wasn't until the bus rounded the corner that you would see a change in my son's demeanor. He would scream, "BUS!!" and run for the pick up spot. Once there he would hold his arms out and yell, "Mom! Mom!! MOM!!!" You could look in his eyes and see the panic/anxiety.
Once at school he would talk ALOT! He couldn't sit still and was incredibly fidgety in his seat which is why I believe that the school pushed for ADHD, but I knew it was anxiety which is why I pushed back for the IEP. There were 30 kids in his classroom and they sat in groups of 6. Danny would always do something to get his desk removed from the "group". He'd hit another child, he'd take his shoes and socks off and throw them, or he'd just have a fit. When getting his desk removed from the group wasn't enough he figured out how to get himself out of the classroom itself. At first he would throw up or get sick. When that didn't work he would throw whatever he could reach. He knew that they wouldn't want to deal with him and he knew which actions would get him removed from class. When he would be removed to the front office he would sit and do homework, reading, spelling, etc and wouldn't cause a problem. As I talked to officials about why he would work in the office I would tell them that it was because it was a quieter setting and he wasn't so anxious. It was "safe" for him to be in the office. There wasn't the fear that the kid that just walked behind him was going to hurt him.
Once at home the aggression wouldn't be there, but the anger would be. I always thought that he was angry with me for making him go to school. He'd beg to stay home, wake up and pretend to be sick, etc. There were days that I would call him absent from school because he was just so anxious that I knew it would be an issue if I forced him to go. I knew he wasn't doing this because he was a bully and he was bent on hurting someone. I fully believed that he was doing it because he was so scared and the aggression was an impulse reaction to the fear. When faced with a "fight or flight" situation my son will fight! They would back him into a corner with fear/intimidation and to protect himself he'd come out swinging.
As I continue writing this blog you'll see that his "symptoms" got worse. Like the title says this is a journey and I know we are headed down a long, winding path.
At 7:20am everyday we would walk out to the bus stop. We lived in an apartment complex so there were other kids out there and they would all play tag and just horse around until the bus came. It wasn't until the bus rounded the corner that you would see a change in my son's demeanor. He would scream, "BUS!!" and run for the pick up spot. Once there he would hold his arms out and yell, "Mom! Mom!! MOM!!!" You could look in his eyes and see the panic/anxiety.
Once at school he would talk ALOT! He couldn't sit still and was incredibly fidgety in his seat which is why I believe that the school pushed for ADHD, but I knew it was anxiety which is why I pushed back for the IEP. There were 30 kids in his classroom and they sat in groups of 6. Danny would always do something to get his desk removed from the "group". He'd hit another child, he'd take his shoes and socks off and throw them, or he'd just have a fit. When getting his desk removed from the group wasn't enough he figured out how to get himself out of the classroom itself. At first he would throw up or get sick. When that didn't work he would throw whatever he could reach. He knew that they wouldn't want to deal with him and he knew which actions would get him removed from class. When he would be removed to the front office he would sit and do homework, reading, spelling, etc and wouldn't cause a problem. As I talked to officials about why he would work in the office I would tell them that it was because it was a quieter setting and he wasn't so anxious. It was "safe" for him to be in the office. There wasn't the fear that the kid that just walked behind him was going to hurt him.
Once at home the aggression wouldn't be there, but the anger would be. I always thought that he was angry with me for making him go to school. He'd beg to stay home, wake up and pretend to be sick, etc. There were days that I would call him absent from school because he was just so anxious that I knew it would be an issue if I forced him to go. I knew he wasn't doing this because he was a bully and he was bent on hurting someone. I fully believed that he was doing it because he was so scared and the aggression was an impulse reaction to the fear. When faced with a "fight or flight" situation my son will fight! They would back him into a corner with fear/intimidation and to protect himself he'd come out swinging.
As I continue writing this blog you'll see that his "symptoms" got worse. Like the title says this is a journey and I know we are headed down a long, winding path.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
2nd email and a shocking response
So, I took Flunkie's advise and emailed the man he told me to. I didn't expect a reply so fast because at the time I sent it we were on Winter Break from school. I was shocked that I didn't get an automated response and I was just shocked that he got back to me so fast. I won't repost the email I sent because it's the same as the one in the previous post. I will just post his response:
"When I return to the office on Monday, I will have my staff get to the bottom of this issue and we will be in touch with you as soon as possible, hopefully that day or the next. We will need to work with Psychological Services regarding the evaluation questions and issues.
I'm very sorry for your experience. We have strict guidelines about referrals and evaluations so we need to find out what actually caused this situation to escalate and what we need to do about it.
An IEP is written only after special education eligibility is determined which appears not to have happened yet. A 504 will yield a plan similar to an IEP. Homebound services are available upon completion of physician and parent forms available from my office. My office assigns the homebound teacher if that service is indicated."
Soon after this email I realized that I needed to provide my son's last name so they could look him up...LOL!! My bad! Anyway, he did investiate the issue and I got a response from him. No, he didn't answer all my questions and I believe that he found the school did NOT do as they were suppose to do and he wasn't about to admit it to me. Keep in mind that I already stated that I formally requested an IEP evaluation a year prior to all of this. Paperwork filled out, letter's were written, and believe me when I say that I kept ALL of this proof in case I ever needed it. So anyway, this is what he found out:
"First, thank you for providing your son’s last name. That did help us.
I have had my staff investigating this matter today and yesterday.
It appears that the Education Intervention Team (EIT) first formally recommended interventions for Daniel to begin this past October. There is an indication that the team met last April but tabled the matter until this fall for some reason. I’m not clear on why that was recommended. On November 19, the EIT recommended formal testing which I understand began last month.
You came to school yesterday, I understand, and requested homebound form. I believe that you were going to bring him into Psych. Services here in my building to complete the testing. I believe that the doctor has spoken with our Supervisor of Psychological Services, Sylvia Groves, and that someone was going to call you to arrange a time to bring Daniel in to complete the testing.
There may be some misunderstanding about our ‘terms’. The EIT is the intervention team that meets and recommends strategies to implement with children to try and resolve the problems they’re having without having to put the child through formal testing and possibly even eventually special education. The IEP stands for the Individualized Education Program that is written for the child after his testing has been completed and a meeting has been held to recommend him for special education.
Once the testing is completed and the meeting is held, a decision can be made to provide special education if he is eligible. At that time, the IEP would be written which details specifically what services will be provided, how often they will be provided, and a host of other decisions."
Funny how after I contacted him the IEP evaluation was up and rolling and my son was found to need Special Education Services..... Again, tell me something I didn't know!! It took him a few hours to accomplish what I had been trying to for a year. With the help of my advocate we had an IEP written and I found out some interesting things about my son. One of the things I learned was that they do an intelligence evaluation to test for learning disabilities and such. I learned that his long term memory score was a 140 out of 160. The psychologist doing the testing said he was highly intelligent, but emotionally disabled. My son would get straight "A's" in academics, but would fail in classroom behavior. When the IEP was written I was hoping that we were headed in the right direction. New therapist, new meds, and a brand new IEP. What could go wrong??
"When I return to the office on Monday, I will have my staff get to the bottom of this issue and we will be in touch with you as soon as possible, hopefully that day or the next. We will need to work with Psychological Services regarding the evaluation questions and issues.
I'm very sorry for your experience. We have strict guidelines about referrals and evaluations so we need to find out what actually caused this situation to escalate and what we need to do about it.
An IEP is written only after special education eligibility is determined which appears not to have happened yet. A 504 will yield a plan similar to an IEP. Homebound services are available upon completion of physician and parent forms available from my office. My office assigns the homebound teacher if that service is indicated."
Soon after this email I realized that I needed to provide my son's last name so they could look him up...LOL!! My bad! Anyway, he did investiate the issue and I got a response from him. No, he didn't answer all my questions and I believe that he found the school did NOT do as they were suppose to do and he wasn't about to admit it to me. Keep in mind that I already stated that I formally requested an IEP evaluation a year prior to all of this. Paperwork filled out, letter's were written, and believe me when I say that I kept ALL of this proof in case I ever needed it. So anyway, this is what he found out:
"First, thank you for providing your son’s last name. That did help us.
I have had my staff investigating this matter today and yesterday.
It appears that the Education Intervention Team (EIT) first formally recommended interventions for Daniel to begin this past October. There is an indication that the team met last April but tabled the matter until this fall for some reason. I’m not clear on why that was recommended. On November 19, the EIT recommended formal testing which I understand began last month.
You came to school yesterday, I understand, and requested homebound form. I believe that you were going to bring him into Psych. Services here in my building to complete the testing. I believe that the doctor has spoken with our Supervisor of Psychological Services, Sylvia Groves, and that someone was going to call you to arrange a time to bring Daniel in to complete the testing.
There may be some misunderstanding about our ‘terms’. The EIT is the intervention team that meets and recommends strategies to implement with children to try and resolve the problems they’re having without having to put the child through formal testing and possibly even eventually special education. The IEP stands for the Individualized Education Program that is written for the child after his testing has been completed and a meeting has been held to recommend him for special education.
Once the testing is completed and the meeting is held, a decision can be made to provide special education if he is eligible. At that time, the IEP would be written which details specifically what services will be provided, how often they will be provided, and a host of other decisions."
Funny how after I contacted him the IEP evaluation was up and rolling and my son was found to need Special Education Services..... Again, tell me something I didn't know!! It took him a few hours to accomplish what I had been trying to for a year. With the help of my advocate we had an IEP written and I found out some interesting things about my son. One of the things I learned was that they do an intelligence evaluation to test for learning disabilities and such. I learned that his long term memory score was a 140 out of 160. The psychologist doing the testing said he was highly intelligent, but emotionally disabled. My son would get straight "A's" in academics, but would fail in classroom behavior. When the IEP was written I was hoping that we were headed in the right direction. New therapist, new meds, and a brand new IEP. What could go wrong??
1 email and a response
The next two posts are going to be emails that I sent to people whom I thought could possibly help me. I had an advocate that was helping me deal with the school, but I had unanswered questions and someone was going to answer me!! Did I honestly think that this first person would answer me? No, but he was going to hear what I had to say. I was secretly hoping that he would read my email, but in reality I knew it would go to one of his many "flunkies" and I would get an automated response. The following is the email I sent to the Indiana Superintendent of Public Instruction:
Dear Sir,
My name is Yvonne and I live in Evansville. I have a husband who drives a truck over the road and we have a wonderful 7 year old son named Daniel. We moved to your fine state when Daniel was only 2 years old and when he turned 4 we placed him into preschool to prepare him for the upcoming year as a full time Kindergartener.
My son has no learning disabilities at all and in a lot of ways my son is smarter than his peers. Because of his Dad's job he can point out States on a map and tell you the right name. He's in first grade and can read at an "end of the year" second grade level. He can tell time to the minute and knows how to add triple digit numbers. I have a son that is intelligent and loves to learn anything anyone is willing to teach him. He is the reason most teachers go into teaching. Now on to my son's story....
He entered Kindergarten last year like any 5 year old. He was anxious and nervous and being that he knew a lot of the material, he would talk a lot in class. With help from his teacher he learned to work quietly and she learned that he needed to be challenged in order to keep him interested. His anxiety grew and I set up therapy outside the school to help him with that and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. We also agreed to have him speak once a week to the social worker that visited the school. It all seemed to help him until October 2008.
One monday afternoon I went to pick him up and I was informed by his teacher that another student in the class had stabbed him with a pencil in his back. There were 2 holes in his left shoulder blade and my reaction was, "Why didn't anyone call me to tell me?" They knew about his anxiety issues and she referred me to the principal. The principal told me that he seemed fine when she talked to him and sent him back to class. I questioned what would happen to the other child and she told me he had been suspended indefinately and that he had been a problem all year. He was new to my son's classroom as they had problems with him elsewhere and moved him to my son's class. I was reassured that it wouldn't happen again and the social worker reassured my son that he was safe and it wouldn't happen again. My son went to school tuesday and wednesday without incident and I dropped him off thursday morning that same week. His shoulder hurt, but that's expected if you've been stabbed with a sharp pencil. I got home to a ringing phone that thursday morning. It was the principal telling me that my son was stabbed again 2 more times in the same shoulder. The teacher told me that it was an intentional stabbing and that this child crossed the room to get to my son. When I asked why this child was even in the school (principal told me he had been suspended) she told me to call downtown to the main office and talk to them and that the mother had ignored the suspension and dropped off her son anyway. Downtown office told me that the principal was handling it and it was all under control. So, two attacks on two occasions resulting in 4 holes in my son's shoulder by the same child.
As you can imagine, his behavior turned after this. He was very angry and yelled at everyone that they had lied to him and this kid had hurt him again. As his anger grew his therapy sessions outside of school went from once a week to twice a week. He still had that social worker that saw him at school so he was talking to someone 3 times a week. The anger and anxiety grew and his lashing out got worse. His classroom teacher and his therapist suggested that I have him evaluated for an IEP based on an emotional disability. I filled out the paperwork in November 2008 and returned it the next day. I was told that the system was backed up and it might be a little while before he gets evaluated. With me not understanding the system I believed them. Winter break came and went and it turned to 2009 and I hoped that things would get better for him....It only got worse. I asked and asked about the IEP evaluation and I was constantly told that the lady downtown was "behind" and "don't be surprised if it doesn't happen this school year". All the while my son's behavior continued to escalate while at school even with all of the help I had for him. He was suspended 4 or 5 times last year for "assault and battery on an adult" (hitting a teacher assistant with his empty cloth lunchbox) and constantly yelled at for his actions. He was dragged (litterally) to the office more times than I can count. When I requested that with his anxiety disorder they don't approach him in a threatening manner I was told that touching/grabbing of students hands/wrists is the appropriate action and the teacher's are within their right to do so. When I explained that if he feels threatened he will physically lash out and if they approach him in the manor taught to me by his therapist they would have a better time with him, I was told that this is how they do things. I asked for simple accommodations for my son and I was constantly denied. I was told often that some of my requests, such as don't physically touch him, were an inconvienience. I had also asked that if he's in a panic state of mind to take him to the nurse's office and walk away from him to calm down. What would happen if you approach a dog that's in panic mode? It'll bite! My son won't bite, but if he feels threatened he'll lash out. No amount of reasoning with them would get them to treat him differently. I wasn't being heard and my ideas wouldn't get tried. They were told repeatedly that he had an anxiety disorder and needed different treatment. The last time he lashed out at the end of the year they called the cops before they called me. I got to the school and found my son in a room with the Vice Principal and a cop. The cop told my son that his actions could result in going to jail and then asked my son if he wanted to be taken away from his mom and dad. Who in the world would tell a child with an anxiety disorder that he would go to jail and be taken from his family? I repeatedly asked that the intimidation STOP with my son because it was making him worse!! I was (and still am) told that my son's behavior is a result of his Dad's job not for any other reason. They claim that my husband chose a profession that takes him away from home for long periods of time (14 days out then 2 days home) and Danny is crying out for a "normal" family life. My husband has been driving truck over the road for 15 years. This life is all Danny knows and he deals just fine with it. No matter what I said to them it was all the fault of his home life and if it wasn't my husband's job it was that I didn't hand down a harsh enough punishment. I could ground this child for a week and it wouldn't change anything in his behavior at school.
August 2009 I showed up a week early to school to insure that the IEP evaluation would be done this year. I was told once again that things were backed up and they didn't know when they would get to him. I continued his outside therapy and the school lost the social worker. I knew my son's behavior would NOT be any better this year if they continued to treat him as they did last year. Guess what? I was right!! Same behavior as last year, they continued to push off the IEP, and finally I got in touch with About Special Kids in Indianapolis who put me in touch with a parent advocate who will help me with the IEP process even though it's been a YEAR since the initial request. My son's behavior continued to escalate and requests by me were denied for simple changes to his day. They claim he was acting out for Daddy and wanted to go home, so on his bad days they kept him in the school and most times didn't call me to tell me about it. Even though I requested phone calls. How can I pass on information to his therapist if I'm not told about things? Just so you understand the "borderline" abuse my son has taken this year I'll tell you what happened when the toilet flooded in the bathroom in his classroom. The toilet flooded and he ran out to tell his teacher. She blamed him for it, yelled at him, and told him, "You can no longer use the bathroom". He got off the bus with soaking wet pants from peeing himself and kids picking on him for doing it. I had no idea this is what happened until I got him calmed down enough to tell me what she said. The next morning I went to her and asked her what was said. She said she told him that he couldn't be trusted to use the bathroom alone. Well, if she said that after yelling at him his anxiety disorder really kicked in and he didn't understand her words. Again, he was approached the wrong way, but without the IEP I can't get anyone to treat him any differently because of his disability.
Fast forward to last week 12/15/09...A tuesday. That day I did receive a phone call from the Vice principal to tell me that my son had "assaulted" a teacher. More specifically, a teacher assistant that I have identified as a trigger for my son. A trigger that was identified last year and I requested that she not handle my son, but again I was denied and told that he has to learn to deal with people and that I cannot expect them to make that kind of accommodation. The assault happened when he was assigned to sit next to her at an assembly. He started to hit her and pull away from her and when she grabbed him to take him to the office he fought back. They put him in the office, yelled at him for it, and told him he was to write an apology to the teacher assistant. He never wrote that letter because they caught him trying to stab himself with the pencil they gave him. He was in tears getting off the bus and was in a full blown anxiety attack. I immediately made a phone call to his therapist and she sent me to a hospital. My son was admitted that night to a psychiatric hospital for children (Deconess Crosspointe). I HAD TO PUT MY SON THERE FOR 9 DAYS!! Do you know what it's like to put your child in a psychiatric hospital? Locked doors, only 2 visitations a day and only for 1 hour at a time. He got two 10 minute phone calls a day. Do you know what it's like to have a school blame you constantly for your son's behavior and you start to believe them? Do you know what it's like to fight for a year for an IEP and not get it? Can you imagine the personal hell my child lived with day to day at that school? HE'S ONLY 7 YEARS OLD!! I did everything that the school wanted me to do and even got him help outside the school. I put my son on prozac at one point and then ritalin because everyone (school and therapist) told me it was a bad case of ADHD. I did everything to help my son and I couldn't get any help from the school!! My son was released from this hospital yesterday (12/23/09) with a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which caused Intermitent Explosive Disorder. Not because he witnessed anything traumatic at home, but because everything he talked about for 9 days at the hospital was school and all the bad/scarey stuff that he's gone through. He's on a very expensive medication to help with the anxiety and he's been released to a new therapist who deals with PTSD in children. Next to being home, school is suppose to be the safest place to be. Children are taught that if you're in trouble go to a teacher. What do I tell my son? Every teacher has either yelled at him or dragged him to the office. My son has a hard time socially because he doesn't trust children his own age. A child his age attacked him. I've been told that if my son had a learning disability that he'd be put on the IEP faster and it would be easier for the school. To me it doesn't matter what disability a child has. If it's recognized that a child has a disability, whether it be mentally or physically, and requests were made to help that child, than the school should help. Why is my son being treated so badly? Why won't the school help him? Do you know how many meetings I've walked out of with my son in tow because they have told him to "shut off the tears, grow up and act your age"? Is this treatment because they didn't accept the diagnosis from the original therapist and wouldn't accept anything other than what the IEP evaluator would tell them? If so, then why didn't they push for an expedited evaluation? He had the pattern of behavior established for it and the suspension requirement for it. I've done my part and have gone beyond what I should have done and it hasn't made a difference. Part of my son's out patient treatment is that he be placed on the Homebound program. I was going to fight for this anyway even if it wasn't suggested. The psychologist believes that his PTSD is too severe to send him back into any school setting on the 4th. He had thought about switching Danny to a different school, but through talking with Danny over 9 days it was decided that it didn't matter what school he went to he'd still have issues. My parent advocate is going to fight for me and for the Homebound program..for that I am grateful. I am at my wits end with this school and she knows the laws and can fight better than I can.
All in all, this letter isn't about my son not getting the IEP. It's about a school not recognizing a diagnosed mental disorder and their inappropriate treatment towards that child! No matter who I tell this story to I get the same response.....this is child abuse plain and simple. No physical injuries were caused to my son by the school, but the mental abuse he's endured is just as damaging. I'm not looking for sympathy or for an apology. I want you to know my son's story in hopes that another child with a mental disorder doesn't have to endure what my son has. I don't want another parent to go through what I am going through. I don't expect a reply from you and I've come to accept that most of my questions won't be answered. My son has been diagnosed further now and with lots of therapy and time he'll get better. Hopefully better enough to attend school and do what he loves best....LEARN! My son was asked last week to write about what he wanted to be when he grew up. He wrote,"I want to be a teacher and I will be nicer to kids than my teachers." That sentence is all he wrote that day on what he wanted to be when he grew up. After all that he's been through I think it that sentence says 1000 words. My son is in therapy to help him move forward with his life and I've decided to do the same thing. Hopefully now my son will get the help he deserves...I'm just sorry that he had to go through all of this. I apologize to you if I have come across as angry in this letter. You have done nothing to me or my son. I am a parent who is sick and tired of a school system blaming them for their child's behavior. Especially if it's been recognized that the home life is not to blame. I am angry that this school seems to constantly remind me of how many phone calls they get from angry parents because my son hit their child, but refuses to help my son. I am angry that it's been a year since I requested an IEP or some form of help for my son from the school and I can't get it. I'm angry that my 7 year old son has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of what he's gone through in school. I'm angry that all of this help for my son is being paid for out of my own pocket because we don't qualify for health insurance. There are a lot of things that I'm angry about right now. Some of these things are out of your control. The treatment of my son by this school is within your control though and hopefully you can take what I've said here and change it for another family. Don't let anyone else go through this PLEASE whether it be here in Evansville or in South Bend. There is no need for any family to go through this....
Now this is their response: (Remember above I said a "flunkie"?)
Thank you for writing us regarding the challenges you have faced while trying to get special education services for your child. If you request a special education evaluation formally or informally, written or verbally, the school corporation has 10 days to notify you of whether or not they will conduct the evaluation. If they agree to conduct the evaluation in most cases the school corporation must complete the evaluation and convene a Case Conference Committee (CCC) within 50 days of receiving your consent for evaluation.
Your parent advocate will also be able to assist you with questions regarding due process. If you have only been dealing with your local school thus far, I would also suggest reaching out to the school corporation's special education director. The Director of the Evansville-Vanderburgh School corporation is Larry Bass. Please feel free to contact our office if you have any additional questions.
Tell me something I didn't already know...... Thanks Flunkie!!
Dear Sir,
My name is Yvonne and I live in Evansville. I have a husband who drives a truck over the road and we have a wonderful 7 year old son named Daniel. We moved to your fine state when Daniel was only 2 years old and when he turned 4 we placed him into preschool to prepare him for the upcoming year as a full time Kindergartener.
My son has no learning disabilities at all and in a lot of ways my son is smarter than his peers. Because of his Dad's job he can point out States on a map and tell you the right name. He's in first grade and can read at an "end of the year" second grade level. He can tell time to the minute and knows how to add triple digit numbers. I have a son that is intelligent and loves to learn anything anyone is willing to teach him. He is the reason most teachers go into teaching. Now on to my son's story....
He entered Kindergarten last year like any 5 year old. He was anxious and nervous and being that he knew a lot of the material, he would talk a lot in class. With help from his teacher he learned to work quietly and she learned that he needed to be challenged in order to keep him interested. His anxiety grew and I set up therapy outside the school to help him with that and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. We also agreed to have him speak once a week to the social worker that visited the school. It all seemed to help him until October 2008.
One monday afternoon I went to pick him up and I was informed by his teacher that another student in the class had stabbed him with a pencil in his back. There were 2 holes in his left shoulder blade and my reaction was, "Why didn't anyone call me to tell me?" They knew about his anxiety issues and she referred me to the principal. The principal told me that he seemed fine when she talked to him and sent him back to class. I questioned what would happen to the other child and she told me he had been suspended indefinately and that he had been a problem all year. He was new to my son's classroom as they had problems with him elsewhere and moved him to my son's class. I was reassured that it wouldn't happen again and the social worker reassured my son that he was safe and it wouldn't happen again. My son went to school tuesday and wednesday without incident and I dropped him off thursday morning that same week. His shoulder hurt, but that's expected if you've been stabbed with a sharp pencil. I got home to a ringing phone that thursday morning. It was the principal telling me that my son was stabbed again 2 more times in the same shoulder. The teacher told me that it was an intentional stabbing and that this child crossed the room to get to my son. When I asked why this child was even in the school (principal told me he had been suspended) she told me to call downtown to the main office and talk to them and that the mother had ignored the suspension and dropped off her son anyway. Downtown office told me that the principal was handling it and it was all under control. So, two attacks on two occasions resulting in 4 holes in my son's shoulder by the same child.
As you can imagine, his behavior turned after this. He was very angry and yelled at everyone that they had lied to him and this kid had hurt him again. As his anger grew his therapy sessions outside of school went from once a week to twice a week. He still had that social worker that saw him at school so he was talking to someone 3 times a week. The anger and anxiety grew and his lashing out got worse. His classroom teacher and his therapist suggested that I have him evaluated for an IEP based on an emotional disability. I filled out the paperwork in November 2008 and returned it the next day. I was told that the system was backed up and it might be a little while before he gets evaluated. With me not understanding the system I believed them. Winter break came and went and it turned to 2009 and I hoped that things would get better for him....It only got worse. I asked and asked about the IEP evaluation and I was constantly told that the lady downtown was "behind" and "don't be surprised if it doesn't happen this school year". All the while my son's behavior continued to escalate while at school even with all of the help I had for him. He was suspended 4 or 5 times last year for "assault and battery on an adult" (hitting a teacher assistant with his empty cloth lunchbox) and constantly yelled at for his actions. He was dragged (litterally) to the office more times than I can count. When I requested that with his anxiety disorder they don't approach him in a threatening manner I was told that touching/grabbing of students hands/wrists is the appropriate action and the teacher's are within their right to do so. When I explained that if he feels threatened he will physically lash out and if they approach him in the manor taught to me by his therapist they would have a better time with him, I was told that this is how they do things. I asked for simple accommodations for my son and I was constantly denied. I was told often that some of my requests, such as don't physically touch him, were an inconvienience. I had also asked that if he's in a panic state of mind to take him to the nurse's office and walk away from him to calm down. What would happen if you approach a dog that's in panic mode? It'll bite! My son won't bite, but if he feels threatened he'll lash out. No amount of reasoning with them would get them to treat him differently. I wasn't being heard and my ideas wouldn't get tried. They were told repeatedly that he had an anxiety disorder and needed different treatment. The last time he lashed out at the end of the year they called the cops before they called me. I got to the school and found my son in a room with the Vice Principal and a cop. The cop told my son that his actions could result in going to jail and then asked my son if he wanted to be taken away from his mom and dad. Who in the world would tell a child with an anxiety disorder that he would go to jail and be taken from his family? I repeatedly asked that the intimidation STOP with my son because it was making him worse!! I was (and still am) told that my son's behavior is a result of his Dad's job not for any other reason. They claim that my husband chose a profession that takes him away from home for long periods of time (14 days out then 2 days home) and Danny is crying out for a "normal" family life. My husband has been driving truck over the road for 15 years. This life is all Danny knows and he deals just fine with it. No matter what I said to them it was all the fault of his home life and if it wasn't my husband's job it was that I didn't hand down a harsh enough punishment. I could ground this child for a week and it wouldn't change anything in his behavior at school.
August 2009 I showed up a week early to school to insure that the IEP evaluation would be done this year. I was told once again that things were backed up and they didn't know when they would get to him. I continued his outside therapy and the school lost the social worker. I knew my son's behavior would NOT be any better this year if they continued to treat him as they did last year. Guess what? I was right!! Same behavior as last year, they continued to push off the IEP, and finally I got in touch with About Special Kids in Indianapolis who put me in touch with a parent advocate who will help me with the IEP process even though it's been a YEAR since the initial request. My son's behavior continued to escalate and requests by me were denied for simple changes to his day. They claim he was acting out for Daddy and wanted to go home, so on his bad days they kept him in the school and most times didn't call me to tell me about it. Even though I requested phone calls. How can I pass on information to his therapist if I'm not told about things? Just so you understand the "borderline" abuse my son has taken this year I'll tell you what happened when the toilet flooded in the bathroom in his classroom. The toilet flooded and he ran out to tell his teacher. She blamed him for it, yelled at him, and told him, "You can no longer use the bathroom". He got off the bus with soaking wet pants from peeing himself and kids picking on him for doing it. I had no idea this is what happened until I got him calmed down enough to tell me what she said. The next morning I went to her and asked her what was said. She said she told him that he couldn't be trusted to use the bathroom alone. Well, if she said that after yelling at him his anxiety disorder really kicked in and he didn't understand her words. Again, he was approached the wrong way, but without the IEP I can't get anyone to treat him any differently because of his disability.
Fast forward to last week 12/15/09...A tuesday. That day I did receive a phone call from the Vice principal to tell me that my son had "assaulted" a teacher. More specifically, a teacher assistant that I have identified as a trigger for my son. A trigger that was identified last year and I requested that she not handle my son, but again I was denied and told that he has to learn to deal with people and that I cannot expect them to make that kind of accommodation. The assault happened when he was assigned to sit next to her at an assembly. He started to hit her and pull away from her and when she grabbed him to take him to the office he fought back. They put him in the office, yelled at him for it, and told him he was to write an apology to the teacher assistant. He never wrote that letter because they caught him trying to stab himself with the pencil they gave him. He was in tears getting off the bus and was in a full blown anxiety attack. I immediately made a phone call to his therapist and she sent me to a hospital. My son was admitted that night to a psychiatric hospital for children (Deconess Crosspointe). I HAD TO PUT MY SON THERE FOR 9 DAYS!! Do you know what it's like to put your child in a psychiatric hospital? Locked doors, only 2 visitations a day and only for 1 hour at a time. He got two 10 minute phone calls a day. Do you know what it's like to have a school blame you constantly for your son's behavior and you start to believe them? Do you know what it's like to fight for a year for an IEP and not get it? Can you imagine the personal hell my child lived with day to day at that school? HE'S ONLY 7 YEARS OLD!! I did everything that the school wanted me to do and even got him help outside the school. I put my son on prozac at one point and then ritalin because everyone (school and therapist) told me it was a bad case of ADHD. I did everything to help my son and I couldn't get any help from the school!! My son was released from this hospital yesterday (12/23/09) with a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which caused Intermitent Explosive Disorder. Not because he witnessed anything traumatic at home, but because everything he talked about for 9 days at the hospital was school and all the bad/scarey stuff that he's gone through. He's on a very expensive medication to help with the anxiety and he's been released to a new therapist who deals with PTSD in children. Next to being home, school is suppose to be the safest place to be. Children are taught that if you're in trouble go to a teacher. What do I tell my son? Every teacher has either yelled at him or dragged him to the office. My son has a hard time socially because he doesn't trust children his own age. A child his age attacked him. I've been told that if my son had a learning disability that he'd be put on the IEP faster and it would be easier for the school. To me it doesn't matter what disability a child has. If it's recognized that a child has a disability, whether it be mentally or physically, and requests were made to help that child, than the school should help. Why is my son being treated so badly? Why won't the school help him? Do you know how many meetings I've walked out of with my son in tow because they have told him to "shut off the tears, grow up and act your age"? Is this treatment because they didn't accept the diagnosis from the original therapist and wouldn't accept anything other than what the IEP evaluator would tell them? If so, then why didn't they push for an expedited evaluation? He had the pattern of behavior established for it and the suspension requirement for it. I've done my part and have gone beyond what I should have done and it hasn't made a difference. Part of my son's out patient treatment is that he be placed on the Homebound program. I was going to fight for this anyway even if it wasn't suggested. The psychologist believes that his PTSD is too severe to send him back into any school setting on the 4th. He had thought about switching Danny to a different school, but through talking with Danny over 9 days it was decided that it didn't matter what school he went to he'd still have issues. My parent advocate is going to fight for me and for the Homebound program..for that I am grateful. I am at my wits end with this school and she knows the laws and can fight better than I can.
All in all, this letter isn't about my son not getting the IEP. It's about a school not recognizing a diagnosed mental disorder and their inappropriate treatment towards that child! No matter who I tell this story to I get the same response.....this is child abuse plain and simple. No physical injuries were caused to my son by the school, but the mental abuse he's endured is just as damaging. I'm not looking for sympathy or for an apology. I want you to know my son's story in hopes that another child with a mental disorder doesn't have to endure what my son has. I don't want another parent to go through what I am going through. I don't expect a reply from you and I've come to accept that most of my questions won't be answered. My son has been diagnosed further now and with lots of therapy and time he'll get better. Hopefully better enough to attend school and do what he loves best....LEARN! My son was asked last week to write about what he wanted to be when he grew up. He wrote,"I want to be a teacher and I will be nicer to kids than my teachers." That sentence is all he wrote that day on what he wanted to be when he grew up. After all that he's been through I think it that sentence says 1000 words. My son is in therapy to help him move forward with his life and I've decided to do the same thing. Hopefully now my son will get the help he deserves...I'm just sorry that he had to go through all of this. I apologize to you if I have come across as angry in this letter. You have done nothing to me or my son. I am a parent who is sick and tired of a school system blaming them for their child's behavior. Especially if it's been recognized that the home life is not to blame. I am angry that this school seems to constantly remind me of how many phone calls they get from angry parents because my son hit their child, but refuses to help my son. I am angry that it's been a year since I requested an IEP or some form of help for my son from the school and I can't get it. I'm angry that my 7 year old son has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of what he's gone through in school. I'm angry that all of this help for my son is being paid for out of my own pocket because we don't qualify for health insurance. There are a lot of things that I'm angry about right now. Some of these things are out of your control. The treatment of my son by this school is within your control though and hopefully you can take what I've said here and change it for another family. Don't let anyone else go through this PLEASE whether it be here in Evansville or in South Bend. There is no need for any family to go through this....
Now this is their response: (Remember above I said a "flunkie"?)
Thank you for writing us regarding the challenges you have faced while trying to get special education services for your child. If you request a special education evaluation formally or informally, written or verbally, the school corporation has 10 days to notify you of whether or not they will conduct the evaluation. If they agree to conduct the evaluation in most cases the school corporation must complete the evaluation and convene a Case Conference Committee (CCC) within 50 days of receiving your consent for evaluation.
Your parent advocate will also be able to assist you with questions regarding due process. If you have only been dealing with your local school thus far, I would also suggest reaching out to the school corporation's special education director. The Director of the Evansville-Vanderburgh School corporation is Larry Bass. Please feel free to contact our office if you have any additional questions.
Tell me something I didn't already know...... Thanks Flunkie!!
Diagnosis?
After the 9 days in the hospital my son came out on a new medication and with a diagnosis. My son was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I about fell out of the chair when they told me that. PTSD is for soldier's returning from war, rape victims, or people who lived through or witnessed horrible acts of crime...Not a 7 year old child. They explained to me that he already had an existing anxiety problem prior to being stabbed and the act of one child turned my son's world upside down. The more I thought about PTSD and the more I learned I could see how this diagnosis was true for him.
Suddenly small things that I was noticing with him started to make sense. I thought it was weird that a simple trip shopping was so difficult for him. I thought that he just didn't want to go shopping. Heck, I remember groaning and moaning when my Mom would even mention grocery shopping. Researching PTSD explained why he would act out when I would talk about going shopping. PTSD explained the tears in the morning when the school bus would show up. PTSD explained why my son was constantly looking over his shoulder and I'd have problems getting his attention when we were out in public. PTSD seemed to explain alot of the little "quirks" my son seemed to have developed.
A plan was in place prior to my son's release from the hospital. His pediatrician agreed to handle the pill my son was given. Appointments were set up with a therapist and the hospital psychologist filled out paperwork to place my son on the school's "Homebound" program until such time that an IEP could be written (No, I still didn't have an IEP for Danny a year later). I will add here an explanation of the Homebound Program. This is a program that every school system in the nation has. It is through your district's special education main office. If your child for any reason is either physically or emotionally disabled to the point he/she can not function in school, you can request this program. The special education office assigned a teacher to my son and for one hour a day she came to my home to teach him. The psychologist and therapist agreed that Danny shouldn't be placed back into school without a plan in place to help him while he was there....As I said above I STILL didn't have an IEP for my son and it had been a year since the request!!
Suddenly small things that I was noticing with him started to make sense. I thought it was weird that a simple trip shopping was so difficult for him. I thought that he just didn't want to go shopping. Heck, I remember groaning and moaning when my Mom would even mention grocery shopping. Researching PTSD explained why he would act out when I would talk about going shopping. PTSD explained the tears in the morning when the school bus would show up. PTSD explained why my son was constantly looking over his shoulder and I'd have problems getting his attention when we were out in public. PTSD seemed to explain alot of the little "quirks" my son seemed to have developed.
A plan was in place prior to my son's release from the hospital. His pediatrician agreed to handle the pill my son was given. Appointments were set up with a therapist and the hospital psychologist filled out paperwork to place my son on the school's "Homebound" program until such time that an IEP could be written (No, I still didn't have an IEP for Danny a year later). I will add here an explanation of the Homebound Program. This is a program that every school system in the nation has. It is through your district's special education main office. If your child for any reason is either physically or emotionally disabled to the point he/she can not function in school, you can request this program. The special education office assigned a teacher to my son and for one hour a day she came to my home to teach him. The psychologist and therapist agreed that Danny shouldn't be placed back into school without a plan in place to help him while he was there....As I said above I STILL didn't have an IEP for my son and it had been a year since the request!!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
December 15, 2009
This is a date I will never forget. There are certain dates that a mother never forgets. The day she was proposed to, her wedding date, the date her child is born, and she never forgets the day she admits her child to a psychiatric hospital.
I had been looking for therapy help for my son. I knew I had to get him help and I was trying to find someone that would work with us financially. I had found one place that would work with us based upon income, but I had to take my son to an "intake" appointment and the earliest one they had was 4 1/2 weeks away. I signed him up for that appointment and also put him on a list so that if someone cancelled they might call us for an earlier appointment. The school knew I was trying to get him help and I was reminded of how badly my son was behaving. I would fire off more letters asking them to evaluate him for an IEP and got no results. I was expected to fix my son alone with no help from them. I had a parent advocate I was talking to and she was telling me how to do things with them. I signed consent for her to talk to the school and she grew as frustrated as I was. Then came that fateful day.....
I received a call from the school yet again. One of my requests to them was that if he's having a rough day to call me and I would go get him atleast until I could get him back into therapy. The school decided that he was hitting (they called it assault and battery) to get out of school and no matter what they would keep him all day. This day was particularly bad for him. I had made a request that school assemblies not be a requirement for him to attend. I knew that having him sit in the gym with the entire school was a trigger for him. Too many kids in a confined space! I was of course denied and was told that they didn't have the staff to have someone sit with him in his classroom while the rest of the school went to the gym. This day was an assembly day and he of course hit the teacher assigned to sit next to him and was physically dragged to the office. Once in the office he was made to sit and write a letter apologizing to the teacher he had hit. He didn't get to write that letter because they caught him trying to stab himself with the pencil. He was hoping that he could hurt himself bad enough to be sent home. They took the pencil from him and he found scissor's and was trying to cut his fingers. Those were taken away and by this time it was time to get on the bus and come home.
I have always wondered something. He was made to apologize to the teacher's he hit, but they would never apologize for the stuff they said to him? In my mind "what's good for the goose is good for the gander". You want him to apologize, but you won't say you're sorry for the horrible things you've said to him? Of course they saw nothing wrong with how they treated my child.
I called the office where I was waiting for his intake appointment for therapy and they couldn't help me. I called other therapy office's hoping someone could get me in within the next few days and everyone was booked solid. I then called his pediatrician to see who could help me. Would the ER help me if I brought him in? Where could I go for help? I was told about this hospital so I brought my son there. The psychologist on duty decided that my son met criteria to be admitted and so my son spent the next 9 days in this hospital....
I had been looking for therapy help for my son. I knew I had to get him help and I was trying to find someone that would work with us financially. I had found one place that would work with us based upon income, but I had to take my son to an "intake" appointment and the earliest one they had was 4 1/2 weeks away. I signed him up for that appointment and also put him on a list so that if someone cancelled they might call us for an earlier appointment. The school knew I was trying to get him help and I was reminded of how badly my son was behaving. I would fire off more letters asking them to evaluate him for an IEP and got no results. I was expected to fix my son alone with no help from them. I had a parent advocate I was talking to and she was telling me how to do things with them. I signed consent for her to talk to the school and she grew as frustrated as I was. Then came that fateful day.....
I received a call from the school yet again. One of my requests to them was that if he's having a rough day to call me and I would go get him atleast until I could get him back into therapy. The school decided that he was hitting (they called it assault and battery) to get out of school and no matter what they would keep him all day. This day was particularly bad for him. I had made a request that school assemblies not be a requirement for him to attend. I knew that having him sit in the gym with the entire school was a trigger for him. Too many kids in a confined space! I was of course denied and was told that they didn't have the staff to have someone sit with him in his classroom while the rest of the school went to the gym. This day was an assembly day and he of course hit the teacher assigned to sit next to him and was physically dragged to the office. Once in the office he was made to sit and write a letter apologizing to the teacher he had hit. He didn't get to write that letter because they caught him trying to stab himself with the pencil. He was hoping that he could hurt himself bad enough to be sent home. They took the pencil from him and he found scissor's and was trying to cut his fingers. Those were taken away and by this time it was time to get on the bus and come home.
I have always wondered something. He was made to apologize to the teacher's he hit, but they would never apologize for the stuff they said to him? In my mind "what's good for the goose is good for the gander". You want him to apologize, but you won't say you're sorry for the horrible things you've said to him? Of course they saw nothing wrong with how they treated my child.
I called the office where I was waiting for his intake appointment for therapy and they couldn't help me. I called other therapy office's hoping someone could get me in within the next few days and everyone was booked solid. I then called his pediatrician to see who could help me. Would the ER help me if I brought him in? Where could I go for help? I was told about this hospital so I brought my son there. The psychologist on duty decided that my son met criteria to be admitted and so my son spent the next 9 days in this hospital....
Monday, June 28, 2010
Wow! Who knew??
I didn't believe that this could make me feel somewhat better. It feels good to get this out. I guess I shall continue...
After my son's attack his behavior changed in school...For obvious reasons. The school approached me in November 2008 wanting to evaluate him for and IEP. I took the paperwork that afternoon to Danny's therapy appointment and asked his therapist about it. She highly recommended it and explained to me all the ways it could help my son and help the school deal with my son. I got excited thinking that we all could work together and get Danny on the right track. I knew in my heart I had an intelligent child, but his behavior was holding him back. Maybe this was the answer I was looking for.
I went home and researched online about IEP's and how to go about doing one and I read that any communication from the parent to the school should be done in writing for a paper trail. I typed out a letter requesting evaluation for my son based upon an emotional disability and I turned a copy of the letter in with the completed paperwork. I was immediately informed that the people that do the evaluating were behind and it would take some time for them to get to my son. I wish I had researched things further instead of getting excited about the help and jumping on it. If I had done further research I would have discovered that once a parent makes a request, either verbally or in writing for an evaluation, the school's clock starts ticking. They have 50 school days to complete the evaluation and get the IEP written and in place...this I did not know. I let myself get sucked into believing what they told me. I asked and asked about his evaluation and was constantly told that the downtown office was overloaded with evaluations and I would have to wait my turn.
As I waited Danny continued his therapy inside and outside of school. He got suspended numerous times for his behavior and had escalated to being aggressive towards the teacher's/staff. I would ask and ask for help for him, but it seemed easier to suspend him rather than help him. I don't know if they didn't know how to help him or they didn't have the resources available to help him. All I know is that I had a child that was full of guilt and remorse for his actions, but couldn't stop himself while in school. Somehow my son made it through Kindergarten and at the end of the school year I asked for the IEP to be done prior to him entering 1st grade. I was told that my son was very immature and needed the summer to "grow up". Then I was told to ask again in August when school resumed. I wrote another letter requesting evaluation prior to August knowing that his behavior wouldn't be any better....Again, I was denied and told to wait.
August starts and he's in a classroom with 34 other kids. Right away his behavior was horrible and again I went back and asked for help. By this time we had lost our medical insurance and I couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for therapy anymore. I thought I could get him help in school which is where he needed it the most. I never doubted what the school told me he was doing. I was shocked as to their unwillingness to help him. I wrote several letters requesting evaluation, simple changes to his day, etc. and all were denied. I walked out of many school meetings in tears because I was made to feel as if I was a horrible parent. I was told that my son's behavior was due to the fact that we lived an abnormal lifestlyle. Those that know me know that I'm proud to be married to a trucker. To my son and I, Dad being gone is normal! I can't count the amount of times I was told that I don't punish him enough. My son was constantly told that he was a "bad kid" or "only bad kids behave this way"...to the point that even today he'll do something accidentally (spill milk) and burst into tears and cry for hours as to how bad of a kid he is. He started to cry in one meeting and the counseler looked at him and told him, "Shut the tears off, grow up and act your age." One of his outbursts at school resulted in the school calling the police on him. Why would you call the cops on a 6 year old? If you can't handle the situation then why are you an elementary educator? I had written a letter to them requesting that when he has an outburst to place him in a quiet room and leave him alone to calm down....DENIED! So anyway, this cop took it upon himself to place my son in handcuffs and tell him, "Your behavior can result in you being taken from your family and you'll be put in jail. Is that what you want young man?" Of course by the time I got to the school my son was in complete hysterics thinking he was being taken away. Why would you do this to a child with a diagnosed anxiety disorder?
All signs pointed to the fact that when my son was in the school all he wanted was to GET OUT. He would do everything in his power to be sent home and they had taught him the year before that hitting was a good way of getting suspended. I knew I had to get him back into therapy so I applied for insurance through the State and was denied. I wrote letters to the school asking for the evaluation or some sort of help and was denied. I was getting denied at every turn I took. It seemed as if my husband and I were the only one's interested in helping my son. I soon found myself turning to the one thing that hadn't denied me help....the internet! I knew that there had to be help out there somewhere for us. Someone HAD to have the answers I was looking for or could atleast point me in the right direction for help with the school. That's when I found "About Special Kids" in Indianapolis.
I was put in touch with a wonderful lady named Suzanne. I explained the whole situation to her and she was flabbergasted that I hadn't gotten results from all my letters. Then she said 4 words I will never forget: I can help you! I burst into tears!! She explained all the ways the school had violated the special education act, sent me a huge packet of information, AND put me in touch with a parent advocate who could help me fight. It was too bad that I found them a little too late.....
After my son's attack his behavior changed in school...For obvious reasons. The school approached me in November 2008 wanting to evaluate him for and IEP. I took the paperwork that afternoon to Danny's therapy appointment and asked his therapist about it. She highly recommended it and explained to me all the ways it could help my son and help the school deal with my son. I got excited thinking that we all could work together and get Danny on the right track. I knew in my heart I had an intelligent child, but his behavior was holding him back. Maybe this was the answer I was looking for.
I went home and researched online about IEP's and how to go about doing one and I read that any communication from the parent to the school should be done in writing for a paper trail. I typed out a letter requesting evaluation for my son based upon an emotional disability and I turned a copy of the letter in with the completed paperwork. I was immediately informed that the people that do the evaluating were behind and it would take some time for them to get to my son. I wish I had researched things further instead of getting excited about the help and jumping on it. If I had done further research I would have discovered that once a parent makes a request, either verbally or in writing for an evaluation, the school's clock starts ticking. They have 50 school days to complete the evaluation and get the IEP written and in place...this I did not know. I let myself get sucked into believing what they told me. I asked and asked about his evaluation and was constantly told that the downtown office was overloaded with evaluations and I would have to wait my turn.
As I waited Danny continued his therapy inside and outside of school. He got suspended numerous times for his behavior and had escalated to being aggressive towards the teacher's/staff. I would ask and ask for help for him, but it seemed easier to suspend him rather than help him. I don't know if they didn't know how to help him or they didn't have the resources available to help him. All I know is that I had a child that was full of guilt and remorse for his actions, but couldn't stop himself while in school. Somehow my son made it through Kindergarten and at the end of the school year I asked for the IEP to be done prior to him entering 1st grade. I was told that my son was very immature and needed the summer to "grow up". Then I was told to ask again in August when school resumed. I wrote another letter requesting evaluation prior to August knowing that his behavior wouldn't be any better....Again, I was denied and told to wait.
August starts and he's in a classroom with 34 other kids. Right away his behavior was horrible and again I went back and asked for help. By this time we had lost our medical insurance and I couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for therapy anymore. I thought I could get him help in school which is where he needed it the most. I never doubted what the school told me he was doing. I was shocked as to their unwillingness to help him. I wrote several letters requesting evaluation, simple changes to his day, etc. and all were denied. I walked out of many school meetings in tears because I was made to feel as if I was a horrible parent. I was told that my son's behavior was due to the fact that we lived an abnormal lifestlyle. Those that know me know that I'm proud to be married to a trucker. To my son and I, Dad being gone is normal! I can't count the amount of times I was told that I don't punish him enough. My son was constantly told that he was a "bad kid" or "only bad kids behave this way"...to the point that even today he'll do something accidentally (spill milk) and burst into tears and cry for hours as to how bad of a kid he is. He started to cry in one meeting and the counseler looked at him and told him, "Shut the tears off, grow up and act your age." One of his outbursts at school resulted in the school calling the police on him. Why would you call the cops on a 6 year old? If you can't handle the situation then why are you an elementary educator? I had written a letter to them requesting that when he has an outburst to place him in a quiet room and leave him alone to calm down....DENIED! So anyway, this cop took it upon himself to place my son in handcuffs and tell him, "Your behavior can result in you being taken from your family and you'll be put in jail. Is that what you want young man?" Of course by the time I got to the school my son was in complete hysterics thinking he was being taken away. Why would you do this to a child with a diagnosed anxiety disorder?
All signs pointed to the fact that when my son was in the school all he wanted was to GET OUT. He would do everything in his power to be sent home and they had taught him the year before that hitting was a good way of getting suspended. I knew I had to get him back into therapy so I applied for insurance through the State and was denied. I wrote letters to the school asking for the evaluation or some sort of help and was denied. I was getting denied at every turn I took. It seemed as if my husband and I were the only one's interested in helping my son. I soon found myself turning to the one thing that hadn't denied me help....the internet! I knew that there had to be help out there somewhere for us. Someone HAD to have the answers I was looking for or could atleast point me in the right direction for help with the school. That's when I found "About Special Kids" in Indianapolis.
I was put in touch with a wonderful lady named Suzanne. I explained the whole situation to her and she was flabbergasted that I hadn't gotten results from all my letters. Then she said 4 words I will never forget: I can help you! I burst into tears!! She explained all the ways the school had violated the special education act, sent me a huge packet of information, AND put me in touch with a parent advocate who could help me fight. It was too bad that I found them a little too late.....
Where to start??
Maybe the beginning? I have no idea. All I know is that for the past 2 years I have been in a fight for my son.
The beginning...hmmmmm. Oh how hindsight is 20/20. I would give anything to redo October 2008 all over again. The things I would change not only for my son, but for our family. I knew my son was having anxiety issues at the beginning of Kindergarten in August 2008 and I sought out help for him. He was seeing a therapist outside of school, was on medication (for a short time), and he also had the school therapist to talk to. Things were on the up and up until October. That seems to be where our world fell apart....
My son was stabbed in the back with a pencil by another student in his classroom. I was never called and told of this. They told me when I went at 2:00pm to pick him up that it had happened. I was told that the nurse looked at his back and said it was fine, but my son complained about it all day. I was told that there were 2 holes in my son's back so I lifted up his shirt, peeled back the bandaids and found a rather large chunk of lead stuck in one of the holes. I questioned the nurse as to why she didn't see this and got no results. I asked administrator's what was to happen next to this other child. I was reassured that this child was removed and that he had been a problem all year and they were done with him. I thought I had done everything I was suppose to do as a parent. My obvious next move from the school was to take him to the doctor to have the lead removed from his back.
I made the decision then and there that I was going to not only drop my son off at school, but I was going to walk him to his classroom each day. I got him more therapy appointments and also informed the one in the school what happened so she could talk him through this rough patch. 2 days go by without incident.....
Everyone had told my son not to worry that this other child was gone. I told him that if he ever saw this kid again to just ignore him and walk away. My son did everything we had told him to do and I followed up with the school to make sure that my son was protected and getting help. 2 days after my son was initially stabbed I dropped him off at school and came home to a ringing phone. I knew in my gut something was wrong. "Hello?" "Mrs. Martin? This is the principal. I hate to make this phone call, but it's happened again and we need you to come get your son." I didn't even ask what happened I just hung up the phone and jumped back in the car.
I get to the school and from the front door I can hear my son screaming at people. "You lied to me! You told me this wouldn't happen again!! Don't touch me!! Get away from me!!" I race into the nurse's office and see my son's beet red face and he immediately bursts into tears. The nurse informs me that he was stabbed 2 more times and this time there's not only a chunk of lead in his back, but the pencil itself broke off and is stuck in his back. As I get my son ready to leave I only looked at the principal and simply asked, "Who?" All she said was, "Same child." I told her that once I was done at the doctor that I WAS going to call her.
I questioned her as to why this child was even in the school after I was told that he was gone. She told me that the mom dropped him off and left and the kid reported to his classroom. My son did as we told him to and ignored this child as he kept yelling my son's name across the classroom. I was told that the teacher saw the kid cross the room with the pencil being held above his head like a knife and intentionally attacked my son a second time. After this incident the child was officially removed from the school, but at what cost? I will tell you that as we go along this journey....
If I could only get that week in time back.....
The beginning...hmmmmm. Oh how hindsight is 20/20. I would give anything to redo October 2008 all over again. The things I would change not only for my son, but for our family. I knew my son was having anxiety issues at the beginning of Kindergarten in August 2008 and I sought out help for him. He was seeing a therapist outside of school, was on medication (for a short time), and he also had the school therapist to talk to. Things were on the up and up until October. That seems to be where our world fell apart....
My son was stabbed in the back with a pencil by another student in his classroom. I was never called and told of this. They told me when I went at 2:00pm to pick him up that it had happened. I was told that the nurse looked at his back and said it was fine, but my son complained about it all day. I was told that there were 2 holes in my son's back so I lifted up his shirt, peeled back the bandaids and found a rather large chunk of lead stuck in one of the holes. I questioned the nurse as to why she didn't see this and got no results. I asked administrator's what was to happen next to this other child. I was reassured that this child was removed and that he had been a problem all year and they were done with him. I thought I had done everything I was suppose to do as a parent. My obvious next move from the school was to take him to the doctor to have the lead removed from his back.
I made the decision then and there that I was going to not only drop my son off at school, but I was going to walk him to his classroom each day. I got him more therapy appointments and also informed the one in the school what happened so she could talk him through this rough patch. 2 days go by without incident.....
Everyone had told my son not to worry that this other child was gone. I told him that if he ever saw this kid again to just ignore him and walk away. My son did everything we had told him to do and I followed up with the school to make sure that my son was protected and getting help. 2 days after my son was initially stabbed I dropped him off at school and came home to a ringing phone. I knew in my gut something was wrong. "Hello?" "Mrs. Martin? This is the principal. I hate to make this phone call, but it's happened again and we need you to come get your son." I didn't even ask what happened I just hung up the phone and jumped back in the car.
I get to the school and from the front door I can hear my son screaming at people. "You lied to me! You told me this wouldn't happen again!! Don't touch me!! Get away from me!!" I race into the nurse's office and see my son's beet red face and he immediately bursts into tears. The nurse informs me that he was stabbed 2 more times and this time there's not only a chunk of lead in his back, but the pencil itself broke off and is stuck in his back. As I get my son ready to leave I only looked at the principal and simply asked, "Who?" All she said was, "Same child." I told her that once I was done at the doctor that I WAS going to call her.
I questioned her as to why this child was even in the school after I was told that he was gone. She told me that the mom dropped him off and left and the kid reported to his classroom. My son did as we told him to and ignored this child as he kept yelling my son's name across the classroom. I was told that the teacher saw the kid cross the room with the pencil being held above his head like a knife and intentionally attacked my son a second time. After this incident the child was officially removed from the school, but at what cost? I will tell you that as we go along this journey....
If I could only get that week in time back.....
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