I realized that I never really described what it was that my son was doing in terms of behavior. Now all of this is what was told to me. I don't really have "bad behavior" issues at home. At home I see a typical 7 year old child that objects to doing chores sometimes and will try to argue with you over a punishment. He would/will get angry and yell at me, but I never saw the aggression or the "screaming". He could/can go to a friends house and treat everyone with respect. He could go spend the night at his best friend's house. I never doubted what the school was telling me. I never told the school that they were wrong because I just didn't see it. I knew something was wrong with Danny and I knew he was scared while he was at school. What I didn't know was how to help him.
At 7:20am everyday we would walk out to the bus stop. We lived in an apartment complex so there were other kids out there and they would all play tag and just horse around until the bus came. It wasn't until the bus rounded the corner that you would see a change in my son's demeanor. He would scream, "BUS!!" and run for the pick up spot. Once there he would hold his arms out and yell, "Mom! Mom!! MOM!!!" You could look in his eyes and see the panic/anxiety.
Once at school he would talk ALOT! He couldn't sit still and was incredibly fidgety in his seat which is why I believe that the school pushed for ADHD, but I knew it was anxiety which is why I pushed back for the IEP. There were 30 kids in his classroom and they sat in groups of 6. Danny would always do something to get his desk removed from the "group". He'd hit another child, he'd take his shoes and socks off and throw them, or he'd just have a fit. When getting his desk removed from the group wasn't enough he figured out how to get himself out of the classroom itself. At first he would throw up or get sick. When that didn't work he would throw whatever he could reach. He knew that they wouldn't want to deal with him and he knew which actions would get him removed from class. When he would be removed to the front office he would sit and do homework, reading, spelling, etc and wouldn't cause a problem. As I talked to officials about why he would work in the office I would tell them that it was because it was a quieter setting and he wasn't so anxious. It was "safe" for him to be in the office. There wasn't the fear that the kid that just walked behind him was going to hurt him.
Once at home the aggression wouldn't be there, but the anger would be. I always thought that he was angry with me for making him go to school. He'd beg to stay home, wake up and pretend to be sick, etc. There were days that I would call him absent from school because he was just so anxious that I knew it would be an issue if I forced him to go. I knew he wasn't doing this because he was a bully and he was bent on hurting someone. I fully believed that he was doing it because he was so scared and the aggression was an impulse reaction to the fear. When faced with a "fight or flight" situation my son will fight! They would back him into a corner with fear/intimidation and to protect himself he'd come out swinging.
As I continue writing this blog you'll see that his "symptoms" got worse. Like the title says this is a journey and I know we are headed down a long, winding path.
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