Wow! Who knew??

I didn't believe that this could make me feel somewhat better. It feels good to get this out. I guess I shall continue...

After my son's attack his behavior changed in school...For obvious reasons. The school approached me in November 2008 wanting to evaluate him for and IEP. I took the paperwork that afternoon to Danny's therapy appointment and asked his therapist about it. She highly recommended it and explained to me all the ways it could help my son and help the school deal with my son. I got excited thinking that we all could work together and get Danny on the right track. I knew in my heart I had an intelligent child, but his behavior was holding him back. Maybe this was the answer I was looking for.

I went home and researched online about IEP's and how to go about doing one and I read that any communication from the parent to the school should be done in writing for a paper trail. I typed out a letter requesting evaluation for my son based upon an emotional disability and I turned a copy of the letter in with the completed paperwork. I was immediately informed that the people that do the evaluating were behind and it would take some time for them to get to my son. I wish I had researched things further instead of getting excited about the help and jumping on it. If I had done further research I would have discovered that once a parent makes a request, either verbally or in writing for an evaluation, the school's clock starts ticking. They have 50 school days to complete the evaluation and get the IEP written and in place...this I did not know. I let myself get sucked into believing what they told me. I asked and asked about his evaluation and was constantly told that the downtown office was overloaded with evaluations and I would have to wait my turn.

As I waited Danny continued his therapy inside and outside of school. He got suspended numerous times for his behavior and had escalated to being aggressive towards the teacher's/staff. I would ask and ask for help for him, but it seemed easier to suspend him rather than help him. I don't know if they didn't know how to help him or they didn't have the resources available to help him. All I know is that I had a child that was full of guilt and remorse for his actions, but couldn't stop himself while in school. Somehow my son made it through Kindergarten and at the end of the school year I asked for the IEP to be done prior to him entering 1st grade. I was told that my son was very immature and needed the summer to "grow up". Then I was told to ask again in August when school resumed. I wrote another letter requesting evaluation prior to August knowing that his behavior wouldn't be any better....Again, I was denied and told to wait.

August starts and he's in a classroom with 34 other kids. Right away his behavior was horrible and again I went back and asked for help. By this time we had lost our medical insurance and I couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for therapy anymore. I thought I could get him help in school which is where he needed it the most. I never doubted what the school told me he was doing. I was shocked as to their unwillingness to help him. I wrote several letters requesting evaluation, simple changes to his day, etc. and all were denied. I walked out of many school meetings in tears because I was made to feel as if I was a horrible parent. I was told that my son's behavior was due to the fact that we lived an abnormal lifestlyle. Those that know me know that I'm proud to be married to a trucker. To my son and I, Dad being gone is normal! I can't count the amount of times I was told that I don't punish him enough. My son was constantly told that he was a "bad kid" or "only bad kids behave this way"...to the point that even today he'll do something accidentally (spill milk) and burst into tears and cry for hours as to how bad of a kid he is. He started to cry in one meeting and the counseler looked at him and told him, "Shut the tears off, grow up and act your age." One of his outbursts at school resulted in the school calling the police on him. Why would you call the cops on a 6 year old? If you can't handle the situation then why are you an elementary educator? I had written a letter to them requesting that when he has an outburst to place him in a quiet room and leave him alone to calm down....DENIED! So anyway, this cop took it upon himself to place my son in handcuffs and tell him, "Your behavior can result in you being taken from your family and you'll be put in jail. Is that what you want young man?" Of course by the time I got to the school my son was in complete hysterics thinking he was being taken away. Why would you do this to a child with a diagnosed anxiety disorder?

All signs pointed to the fact that when my son was in the school all he wanted was to GET OUT. He would do everything in his power to be sent home and they had taught him the year before that hitting was a good way of getting suspended. I knew I had to get him back into therapy so I applied for insurance through the State and was denied. I wrote letters to the school asking for the evaluation or some sort of help and was denied. I was getting denied at every turn I took. It seemed as if my husband and I were the only one's interested in helping my son. I soon found myself turning to the one thing that hadn't denied me help....the internet! I knew that there had to be help out there somewhere for us. Someone HAD to have the answers I was looking for or could atleast point me in the right direction for help with the school. That's when I found "About Special Kids" in Indianapolis.

I was put in touch with a wonderful lady named Suzanne. I explained the whole situation to her and she was flabbergasted that I hadn't gotten results from all my letters. Then she said 4 words I will never forget: I can help you! I burst into tears!! She explained all the ways the school had violated the special education act, sent me a huge packet of information, AND put me in touch with a parent advocate who could help me fight. It was too bad that I found them a little too late.....