1 email and a response

The next two posts are going to be emails that I sent to people whom I thought could possibly help me. I had an advocate that was helping me deal with the school, but I had unanswered questions and someone was going to answer me!! Did I honestly think that this first person would answer me? No, but he was going to hear what I had to say. I was secretly hoping that he would read my email, but in reality I knew it would go to one of his many "flunkies" and I would get an automated response. The following is the email I sent to the Indiana Superintendent of Public Instruction:


Dear Sir,
My name is Yvonne and I live in Evansville. I have a husband who drives a truck over the road and we have a wonderful 7 year old son named Daniel. We moved to your fine state when Daniel was only 2 years old and when he turned 4 we placed him into preschool to prepare him for the upcoming year as a full time Kindergartener.

My son has no learning disabilities at all and in a lot of ways my son is smarter than his peers. Because of his Dad's job he can point out States on a map and tell you the right name. He's in first grade and can read at an "end of the year" second grade level. He can tell time to the minute and knows how to add triple digit numbers. I have a son that is intelligent and loves to learn anything anyone is willing to teach him. He is the reason most teachers go into teaching. Now on to my son's story....

He entered Kindergarten last year like any 5 year old. He was anxious and nervous and being that he knew a lot of the material, he would talk a lot in class. With help from his teacher he learned to work quietly and she learned that he needed to be challenged in order to keep him interested. His anxiety grew and I set up therapy outside the school to help him with that and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. We also agreed to have him speak once a week to the social worker that visited the school. It all seemed to help him until October 2008.

One monday afternoon I went to pick him up and I was informed by his teacher that another student in the class had stabbed him with a pencil in his back. There were 2 holes in his left shoulder blade and my reaction was, "Why didn't anyone call me to tell me?" They knew about his anxiety issues and she referred me to the principal. The principal told me that he seemed fine when she talked to him and sent him back to class. I questioned what would happen to the other child and she told me he had been suspended indefinately and that he had been a problem all year. He was new to my son's classroom as they had problems with him elsewhere and moved him to my son's class. I was reassured that it wouldn't happen again and the social worker reassured my son that he was safe and it wouldn't happen again. My son went to school tuesday and wednesday without incident and I dropped him off thursday morning that same week. His shoulder hurt, but that's expected if you've been stabbed with a sharp pencil. I got home to a ringing phone that thursday morning. It was the principal telling me that my son was stabbed again 2 more times in the same shoulder. The teacher told me that it was an intentional stabbing and that this child crossed the room to get to my son. When I asked why this child was even in the school (principal told me he had been suspended) she told me to call downtown to the main office and talk to them and that the mother had ignored the suspension and dropped off her son anyway. Downtown office told me that the principal was handling it and it was all under control. So, two attacks on two occasions resulting in 4 holes in my son's shoulder by the same child.

As you can imagine, his behavior turned after this. He was very angry and yelled at everyone that they had lied to him and this kid had hurt him again. As his anger grew his therapy sessions outside of school went from once a week to twice a week. He still had that social worker that saw him at school so he was talking to someone 3 times a week. The anger and anxiety grew and his lashing out got worse. His classroom teacher and his therapist suggested that I have him evaluated for an IEP based on an emotional disability. I filled out the paperwork in November 2008 and returned it the next day. I was told that the system was backed up and it might be a little while before he gets evaluated. With me not understanding the system I believed them. Winter break came and went and it turned to 2009 and I hoped that things would get better for him....It only got worse. I asked and asked about the IEP evaluation and I was constantly told that the lady downtown was "behind" and "don't be surprised if it doesn't happen this school year". All the while my son's behavior continued to escalate while at school even with all of the help I had for him. He was suspended 4 or 5 times last year for "assault and battery on an adult" (hitting a teacher assistant with his empty cloth lunchbox) and constantly yelled at for his actions. He was dragged (litterally) to the office more times than I can count. When I requested that with his anxiety disorder they don't approach him in a threatening manner I was told that touching/grabbing of students hands/wrists is the appropriate action and the teacher's are within their right to do so. When I explained that if he feels threatened he will physically lash out and if they approach him in the manor taught to me by his therapist they would have a better time with him, I was told that this is how they do things. I asked for simple accommodations for my son and I was constantly denied. I was told often that some of my requests, such as don't physically touch him, were an inconvienience. I had also asked that if he's in a panic state of mind to take him to the nurse's office and walk away from him to calm down. What would happen if you approach a dog that's in panic mode? It'll bite! My son won't bite, but if he feels threatened he'll lash out. No amount of reasoning with them would get them to treat him differently. I wasn't being heard and my ideas wouldn't get tried. They were told repeatedly that he had an anxiety disorder and needed different treatment. The last time he lashed out at the end of the year they called the cops before they called me. I got to the school and found my son in a room with the Vice Principal and a cop. The cop told my son that his actions could result in going to jail and then asked my son if he wanted to be taken away from his mom and dad. Who in the world would tell a child with an anxiety disorder that he would go to jail and be taken from his family? I repeatedly asked that the intimidation STOP with my son because it was making him worse!! I was (and still am) told that my son's behavior is a result of his Dad's job not for any other reason. They claim that my husband chose a profession that takes him away from home for long periods of time (14 days out then 2 days home) and Danny is crying out for a "normal" family life. My husband has been driving truck over the road for 15 years. This life is all Danny knows and he deals just fine with it. No matter what I said to them it was all the fault of his home life and if it wasn't my husband's job it was that I didn't hand down a harsh enough punishment. I could ground this child for a week and it wouldn't change anything in his behavior at school.

August 2009 I showed up a week early to school to insure that the IEP evaluation would be done this year. I was told once again that things were backed up and they didn't know when they would get to him. I continued his outside therapy and the school lost the social worker. I knew my son's behavior would NOT be any better this year if they continued to treat him as they did last year. Guess what? I was right!! Same behavior as last year, they continued to push off the IEP, and finally I got in touch with About Special Kids in Indianapolis who put me in touch with a parent advocate who will help me with the IEP process even though it's been a YEAR since the initial request. My son's behavior continued to escalate and requests by me were denied for simple changes to his day. They claim he was acting out for Daddy and wanted to go home, so on his bad days they kept him in the school and most times didn't call me to tell me about it. Even though I requested phone calls. How can I pass on information to his therapist if I'm not told about things? Just so you understand the "borderline" abuse my son has taken this year I'll tell you what happened when the toilet flooded in the bathroom in his classroom. The toilet flooded and he ran out to tell his teacher. She blamed him for it, yelled at him, and told him, "You can no longer use the bathroom". He got off the bus with soaking wet pants from peeing himself and kids picking on him for doing it. I had no idea this is what happened until I got him calmed down enough to tell me what she said. The next morning I went to her and asked her what was said. She said she told him that he couldn't be trusted to use the bathroom alone. Well, if she said that after yelling at him his anxiety disorder really kicked in and he didn't understand her words. Again, he was approached the wrong way, but without the IEP I can't get anyone to treat him any differently because of his disability.

Fast forward to last week 12/15/09...A tuesday. That day I did receive a phone call from the Vice principal to tell me that my son had "assaulted" a teacher. More specifically, a teacher assistant that I have identified as a trigger for my son. A trigger that was identified last year and I requested that she not handle my son, but again I was denied and told that he has to learn to deal with people and that I cannot expect them to make that kind of accommodation. The assault happened when he was assigned to sit next to her at an assembly. He started to hit her and pull away from her and when she grabbed him to take him to the office he fought back. They put him in the office, yelled at him for it, and told him he was to write an apology to the teacher assistant. He never wrote that letter because they caught him trying to stab himself with the pencil they gave him. He was in tears getting off the bus and was in a full blown anxiety attack. I immediately made a phone call to his therapist and she sent me to a hospital. My son was admitted that night to a psychiatric hospital for children (Deconess Crosspointe). I HAD TO PUT MY SON THERE FOR 9 DAYS!! Do you know what it's like to put your child in a psychiatric hospital? Locked doors, only 2 visitations a day and only for 1 hour at a time. He got two 10 minute phone calls a day. Do you know what it's like to have a school blame you constantly for your son's behavior and you start to believe them? Do you know what it's like to fight for a year for an IEP and not get it? Can you imagine the personal hell my child lived with day to day at that school? HE'S ONLY 7 YEARS OLD!! I did everything that the school wanted me to do and even got him help outside the school. I put my son on prozac at one point and then ritalin because everyone (school and therapist) told me it was a bad case of ADHD. I did everything to help my son and I couldn't get any help from the school!! My son was released from this hospital yesterday (12/23/09) with a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which caused Intermitent Explosive Disorder. Not because he witnessed anything traumatic at home, but because everything he talked about for 9 days at the hospital was school and all the bad/scarey stuff that he's gone through. He's on a very expensive medication to help with the anxiety and he's been released to a new therapist who deals with PTSD in children. Next to being home, school is suppose to be the safest place to be. Children are taught that if you're in trouble go to a teacher. What do I tell my son? Every teacher has either yelled at him or dragged him to the office. My son has a hard time socially because he doesn't trust children his own age. A child his age attacked him. I've been told that if my son had a learning disability that he'd be put on the IEP faster and it would be easier for the school. To me it doesn't matter what disability a child has. If it's recognized that a child has a disability, whether it be mentally or physically, and requests were made to help that child, than the school should help. Why is my son being treated so badly? Why won't the school help him? Do you know how many meetings I've walked out of with my son in tow because they have told him to "shut off the tears, grow up and act your age"? Is this treatment because they didn't accept the diagnosis from the original therapist and wouldn't accept anything other than what the IEP evaluator would tell them? If so, then why didn't they push for an expedited evaluation? He had the pattern of behavior established for it and the suspension requirement for it. I've done my part and have gone beyond what I should have done and it hasn't made a difference. Part of my son's out patient treatment is that he be placed on the Homebound program. I was going to fight for this anyway even if it wasn't suggested. The psychologist believes that his PTSD is too severe to send him back into any school setting on the 4th. He had thought about switching Danny to a different school, but through talking with Danny over 9 days it was decided that it didn't matter what school he went to he'd still have issues. My parent advocate is going to fight for me and for the Homebound program..for that I am grateful. I am at my wits end with this school and she knows the laws and can fight better than I can.

All in all, this letter isn't about my son not getting the IEP. It's about a school not recognizing a diagnosed mental disorder and their inappropriate treatment towards that child! No matter who I tell this story to I get the same response.....this is child abuse plain and simple. No physical injuries were caused to my son by the school, but the mental abuse he's endured is just as damaging. I'm not looking for sympathy or for an apology. I want you to know my son's story in hopes that another child with a mental disorder doesn't have to endure what my son has. I don't want another parent to go through what I am going through. I don't expect a reply from you and I've come to accept that most of my questions won't be answered. My son has been diagnosed further now and with lots of therapy and time he'll get better. Hopefully better enough to attend school and do what he loves best....LEARN! My son was asked last week to write about what he wanted to be when he grew up. He wrote,"I want to be a teacher and I will be nicer to kids than my teachers." That sentence is all he wrote that day on what he wanted to be when he grew up. After all that he's been through I think it that sentence says 1000 words. My son is in therapy to help him move forward with his life and I've decided to do the same thing. Hopefully now my son will get the help he deserves...I'm just sorry that he had to go through all of this. I apologize to you if I have come across as angry in this letter. You have done nothing to me or my son. I am a parent who is sick and tired of a school system blaming them for their child's behavior. Especially if it's been recognized that the home life is not to blame. I am angry that this school seems to constantly remind me of how many phone calls they get from angry parents because my son hit their child, but refuses to help my son. I am angry that it's been a year since I requested an IEP or some form of help for my son from the school and I can't get it. I'm angry that my 7 year old son has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of what he's gone through in school. I'm angry that all of this help for my son is being paid for out of my own pocket because we don't qualify for health insurance. There are a lot of things that I'm angry about right now. Some of these things are out of your control. The treatment of my son by this school is within your control though and hopefully you can take what I've said here and change it for another family. Don't let anyone else go through this PLEASE whether it be here in Evansville or in South Bend. There is no need for any family to go through this....


Now this is their response: (Remember above I said a "flunkie"?)

Thank you for writing us regarding the challenges you have faced while trying to get special education services for your child. If you request a special education evaluation formally or informally, written or verbally, the school corporation has 10 days to notify you of whether or not they will conduct the evaluation. If they agree to conduct the evaluation in most cases the school corporation must complete the evaluation and convene a Case Conference Committee (CCC) within 50 days of receiving your consent for evaluation.

Your parent advocate will also be able to assist you with questions regarding due process. If you have only been dealing with your local school thus far, I would also suggest reaching out to the school corporation's special education director. The Director of the Evansville-Vanderburgh School corporation is Larry Bass. Please feel free to contact our office if you have any additional questions.


Tell me something I didn't already know...... Thanks Flunkie!!